I’m bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. I’m also tired. Not sleepy, mind you, but tired. I’m so tired that I don’t want to do anything but laze around on the couch and watch TV, which is extremely boring. This does not help me deal with the fact that I’m bored.
I’m bored with being at home. Bored with going to work. Bored with going to the gym. Bored with going out on the weekend. It’s all just so boring.
Tonight, I’m supposed to go out with some friends to see a movie. I have absolutely no interest in doing this because it sounds so insufferably boring.
The problem with being bored all of the time is that your friends, family and co-workers begin to think that you are boring. As if you are to blame for all of the boredom in the world. Let me tell you that they are wrong. If this world were not such a boring place, I wouldn’t seem so boring.
But it is. So I do.
I have to admit that this is one of the most boring Editor’s Notes that I’ve ever written. I’m bored just sitting here typing it out. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you to have to sit there reading it. That must be really boring!
Tell you what … I’ll let you off the hook. If you’re sick of reading this boring editorial, I give you permission to stop reading it. See, if you stop reading it, I can stop writing it. It’s really a win-win situation. OK, so you can stop reading this boring thing in 3 … 2 … 1. Stop!
You’re still reading, aren’t you? You must be, because I’m still writing. Listen, for this to work, you’ve really got to quit. Otherwise, I’ll have to keep writing, and nobody wants that. This is it. Stop … now!
Man! You must be more bored than I am. That’s the only explanation.
Fine. I’ll keep writing, but don’t blame me when you’re on the floor, weeping from boredom. I’m still writing. Exciting, isn’t it? Here I am writing, and there you are reading — possibly the two most boring people on the Earth, doing one of the most boring things possible.
Listen, I just can’t take it anymore. If you’re not willing to stop, I’m going to have to take the initiative and get us both out of this horrifyingly boring situation. I’m just going to stop. I mean it.
Oh, wait! I just thought of something really interesting and fun to write about! You’re going to love it, and it’s not boring at all.
Unfortunately, at this point I’ve written about 450 words. Actually writing something interesting now would mean me having to start all over again, which is really boring. I guess you’re stuck with this garbage.
I’m so bored.
Sean Vale
Editor
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