Gossip

Photographs courtesy of AP/AFP

BRITNEY TO BOW OUT?

In a shock, horror move that will give music fans everywhere palpitations, Britney Spears has hinted that she may put her �singing� career on ice because she wants to have a baby (is she old enough?). Spears, who also claims she wants to change her surname to match new hubby Kevin Federline�s, is quoted on her official website as saying that, �Being married is great and I can�t wait to start my family. There�s so much change going on in the world right now... not only with me, but with the world as well. I am going to take some time off to enjoy life.� However, according to the Internet Movie Database, Spears�/Federline�s record company Jive is said to be less than pleased given the recent launch of Spears�/Federline�s latest album containing all her greatest hits. Clearly, confusion reigns at Jive over exactly what defines �great.�

NEW SUPERMAN SIGNED (PROBABLY)

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it Jake Gyllenhaal, Eric Bana, Nicholas Cage, a man-sized mutant moth or just a speck of dust in your eye? No, it�s Brandon Routh and he�s this week�s random possible Superman actor. Apparently, the little-known TV star has been signed up by director Bryan Singer of X-Men fame to play the Man of Steel made famous by the late Christopher Reeve (Dean Cain, who played Superman alongside Teri Hatcher, doesn�t count). Of course, all of this is according to The Sun newspaper, which has been known at times to bend the truth for its own evil purposes. As such, we place no guarantees on the accuracy of the above information, whether there really is going to be another Superman film or even whether Brandon Routh really exists.

BLONDE AMBITION

Maybe it�s something in the stars, titled song �Screwed.� Audience members were also treated to a rendition of David Bowie�s �Fame,� causing many of them to leave. Clearly they didn�t see the irony of watching a young girl famous for being rich lip-synching to a song written about the lavish fame-based lifestyle that turns talent into tripe.

HILTON HATE TAPE SHOCKER

We weren�t going to run this story, as Paris Hilton really isn�t worth wasting time and space on, but we�re keen to expose bigotry at any opportunity. Despite her �best friend� being black (Nicole Richie, daughter of soul legend Lionel Richie) Paris Hilton is �racist,� �an idiot,� �a disgrace� and �not a good person� (all quotes from the honest and upright National Enquirer magazine). The scandal erupted when Hilton was overheard on a videotape (you know, the one that showed her greeting an ex-boyfriend with no clothes on) using deeply offensive language, which Hilton denied (the language, not the nudity). But in the most recent edition of National Enquirer, her ex-�friend� Brandon Davis tells of an extremely racist and very unpleasant Hilton � those are his quotes above. Apparently, as well as the nudity and racism, the video also shows �drug use� by the dizzy blonde. Drugs ruin your mind kids, although that may mean Hilton is immune to their dangerous effects.

GYLLENHAAL UNDUMPED

In the twisted world of celebrity lives, nothing is forever. Just ask Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal, who are back together again, according to the Internet Movie Database. So, as a special service to readers, Student Weekly has compiled a timeline of their whirlwind break-up and make-up world: August 9, Dunst dumps Gyllenhaal using a representative to tell him and citing filming commitments (two movies per year); Gyllenhaal is crushed by the rejection; August 15, Dunst is reported to have had a fling with an unknown French actor; September 27, Dunst gets �hot and heavy� with actor Josh Hartnett; November 1, Dunst and Gyllenhaal are back together. Something tells us that Gyllenhaal shouldn�t go out shopping for an engagement ring just yet.

CARREY QUITS CANADA

What is it with Canadians? Student Weekly has always found them to be good, honest, upstanding people, with only the mildest of speech irregularities. But Canada and its people always get a bad rap � so bad, in fact, that Canadian movie stars flock to the US to become legal American citizens at the drop of a hat. Latest is rubber-faced funnyman Jim Carrey, following hot on the heels of rubber-chested ex-Canadian Pamela Anderson. Carrey is quoted by the World Entertainment News Network as saying, �My upbringing in Canada made me the person I am. I will always be proud to be a Canadian.� Moments later, he became an American.

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Vocabulary

palpitations (n): a physical condition in which your heart beats very quickly and in an irregular way, often when you are nervous
bigotry (n): the state of feeling, or the act of expressing, strong, unreasonable beliefs or opinions often about people�s skin colour or race
erupt (v): to start happening, suddenly and violently
immune (adj): not affected by something
whirlwind (n): a situation or series of events where a lot of things happen very quickly
representative (n): a person who has been chosen to speak or vote for somebody else or on behalf of a group
cite (v): to mention something as a reason or an example, or in order to support what you are saying
fling (n): a short relationship with somebody
upstanding (adj): behaving in a moral and honest way
flock (v): to go or gather together somewhere in large numbers
upbringing (n): the way in which a child is cared for and taught how to behave while it is growing up

Idiom

on ice: (of a plan, etc.) not being dealt with now; waiting to be dealt with at a later time